10 ways to fail dismally at bottlefeeding a baby

 

Milly is a boob or nothing kind of baby. A bottle just doesn’t cut it with her. She’s happy to grab it and put it in her mouth, swirl it around, lick it, but suck milk out of plastic… Not on your nelly. Anyone who says bottle feeding is the easy option… well, they’re wrong. 

We had the same battle with the bottle with Poppy. The frustrating thing is we can’t for the life of us remember what broke her bottle rebellion. The unfortunate thing with parenting is it’s impossible to learn from experience when said experiences happen whilst in a haze of severe and lingering sleep deprivation. 

So instead, here I share our tried and tested methods of how to be completely shocking at introducing bottlefeeding with the hope that kind readers (anyone please!) will share their own more positive advice (the more ‘out there’ the better). 

1. Introduce the bottle too early (Poppy)

2. Start trying too late (Milly). 

3. Buy every bottle brand and teat on the market 

4. Offer the bottle when baby is gagging-for-a-feed hungry

5. Tempt with bottle before baby clocks she might be getting peckish

6. Fill bottle with expressed breastmilk for familiarity

7. Use formula to make a distinction between breast and bottle

8. Dad to offer bottle whilst holding baby in manner that mimmicks breastfeeding

9. Baby encouraged to take bottle whilst sitting in clearly non-breastfeeding position

10. Always end up offering the boob and saying, “shall we try again tomorrow?”

Sigh. 

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